一颗正在寻求解脱的迷茫心灵。

园丁集 41

2018.03.31

I long to speak the deepest words I have to say to you ; But I dare not, for fear you should laugh. That is why I laugh at myself and shatter my secret in jest. I make light of my pain, afraid you should do so.

I long to tell you the truest words I have to say to you; But I dare not, being afraid that you would not believe them. That is why I disguise them in untruth, Saying the contrary of what I mean. I make my pain appear absurd, afraid that you should do so.

I long to use the most precious words I have for you; But I dare not, fearing I should not be paid with like value. That is why I gave you hard names and boast of my boast of my callous strength. I hurt you, for fear you should never know any pain.

I long to sit silent by you; But I dare not lest my heart come out at my lips. That is why I prattle and chatter lightly and hide my heart behind words. I rudely handle my pain, for fear you should do so.

I long to go away from your side; But I dare not, for fear my cowardice should become known to you. That is why I hold my head high and carelessly come into your presence. Constant thrusts from your eyes keep my pain fresh forever.

我想对你说出我要说的最深的话语; 我不敢,我怕你嘲笑。 因此我嘲笑自己,把我的秘密在玩笑中打碎。 我把我的痛苦说得轻松,因为怕你会这样做。

我想对你说出最真的话语; 我不敢,我怕你不信。 因此我弄真成假,说出和我的真心相反的話, 我把我的痛苦说得可笑,因为我怕你会这样做。

我想用最宝贵的词语來形容你, 我不敢,我怕得不到相当的酬報 。 因此我給你安上苛刻的名字,而显示我的硬骨。 我伤害你,因为怕你永远不知道我的痛苦。

我想静默地坐在你的身旁; 我不敢,怕我的心会跳到我的唇上。 因此我轻松地说东道西,把我的心藏在语言的后面。 我粗暴的对待我的痛苦,因为我怕你会这样做。

我想从你身后走开; 我不敢,怕你看出我的怯懦。 因此我随意地昂着头走到你的面前。 从你眼里频频掷來的刺激,使我的痛苦永远新鮮。